I am a parent to two very special boys who love art projects, throwing snowballs, and going to Grandma's. I am a parent who hosted my son's birthday party today, with eight other 5, 6, and 7 year olds who laughed and shrieked and ate blue frosted cupcakes. I am a parent who buys my children Batman legos and Angry Bird pajamas. I am a parent who read Goodnight Moon to my sleepyheads, just an hour ago.
I am also a parent in a culture of school violence...
And I am shocked. All weekend my thoughts have swirled in a storm of feelings around the school shooting that took place in Connecticut. It helps for me to write them down, as my children sleep safely down the hall, because the culture of gun and school violence is knocking at the door to my heart, threatening the ones I hold most dear.
And I am terrified. There was one moment on Friday afternoon where it took every ounce of strength inside me not to bolt to my son's school and yank him into the safety of my arms as I tried to process the horrific crime that taken place in a classroom, much like his, earlier that day at Sandy Hook Elementary.
And I am sad. Just three days prior Ian had mentioned that he had practiced a 'lock-up' drill that day in school. As he continued to regale me with the day's tales, I mourned that piece of his innocence chipped away by the realities of living in a gun culture. My child's education includes how to try and stay safe in the face of gun wielding monsters.
And I am vulnerable. This is the first school shooting to occur since my son started Kindergarten, and though it hurts me to put it into writing, it will probably not be the last, which petrifies me beyond belief. Sandy Hook Elementary is Yinghua Academy is Marcy Open School is Pilsbury Elementary is Every Elementary in this nation, where I trust a bevy of others with my most precious children.
And I am angry. Another day, another shooting, another...another...another...When is it enough? Is 20 babies enough for us as a nation to face the crisis? Is 27 a high enough number for the call to action?
And I am weary. Tomorrow begins another week of school lunches, homework and music lessons, but my heart is heavy. What comes next? How will we cope? What is my call to action? Can I make a difference for my children, before it is too late? Too many questions, not enough answers.
I am a parent who cannot ignore the pain of parents facing empty beds and silent stories this evening.
I am a parent ready for a change.
